Don't Cry
by puddingcup
Summary: one shot about Matt's last 24 hours at Whammy's. Near x Matt. Not much of a plot. Just a cute story! Was called Cold Turkey, but i changed my mind. No lemon.


**EEEK!! I put this up last night but I forgot to edit it!**

**so yeah... hope you like this!**

* * *

"You're leaving, aren't you

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Near tried not to let any emotion show in his voice, but Matt could hear it and sighed.

"I'm sorry," the gamer replied as he stopped packing and walked over to where Near sat on the bed.

"No you're not," Near stated as he felt a burning tear come to his eye and turned his head, hoping Matt wouldn't see. The sky was dark outside with only the stars and the crescent moon to shine through the blanket of darkness.

Matt sat down on his bed next to his favorite albino. "Yes." Matt gently put his hand on Near's face. "I." Matt slowly pulled Near's head so they would be facing each other. "Am." Near put his tiny hand on Matt's.

"If you were sorry, you wouldn't be leaving me," Near whispered as a single tear streamed down his face. Matt sighed again, using his thumb to wipe away Near's tear. Matt liked the way Near said 'me' instead of 'Whammy's.'

"I have to go help Mello," Matt said. "We promised each other we'd always have the other's back. Plus, he wouldn't be able to get any information without me to hack the computers for him," Matt smirked.

For once Near couldn't think of anything to say. It would be useless to ask if he could come with Matt to help Mello. Near was the reason Mello left in the first place- Mello didn't want to work with Near on the Kira case.

Near also didn't want to tell Matt how much he loved him. He didn't want Matt to feel awkward or get mad. Near wanted to have the memory of Matt as a friend if he never got to see him again- not the memory of Matt being upset of uncomfortable.

Matt used his free hand to take off his goggles and set them on the bedside table so he could look clearly into Near's dark black eyes. Near almost gasped at the sight of Matt's eyes. He had seen Matt's eyes before, but every time he saw them he just loved them even more. Such a beautiful emerald color.

"I wish I could stay here with you," Matt said idly. He wasn't sure how to continue. He wanted to tell the boy exactly how much he wanted to stay, but he also wanted Near's last memory (perhaps their last memory together forever) to be a good one. If Matt could only have Near as a friend, then dammit, he would make the most of that friendship, no matter how much he wanted to kiss those soft, pink lips.

Another shinny tear found its way down Near's face and, again, Matt removed it with a brush of his thumb.

Near shuddered at the stroke of Matt's skin on his own and tightened his grip on the red head's slender fingers. On an impulse, Near threw himself closer to Matt and wrapped his free arm around Matt's waist, still holding Matt's hands with the other hand.

Near inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to memorize the older boy's scent. It wasn't hard. Matt smelled like Old Spice body wash and nicotine. An interesting combination, but Near didn't care.

For a few moments, Matt was startled. When things were too good to be true, they usually were. But things weren't exactly too good to be true, Matt reminded himself. He still had to leave Near and might never see him again.

Slowly Matt curled the fingers that were in Near's grasp so he was holding Near's hand and snaked his other arm around the pajama clad boy and pulled him into a closer embrace.

Matt lowered his head so his face was buried in Near's pure white hair. Near's hair was so soft. Matt smiled and kissed Near's hair, unable to resist himself.

Near smiled into Matt's striped shirt. Maybe Matt did feel the same way Near did. Maybe Near had a lucky star, though he doubted those existed. Maybe L was watching over him.

Near raised his head just enough to look Matt in the eyes. He saw Matt smile; the green eyes were filled with tenderness. Slowly, ever so painstakingly slow, Matt pulled Near up so Near was sitting on Matt's leg and lowered his head so their heads were an inch away. Near's lips trembled slightly at the thought of finally being able to kiss Matt. He wished Matt would just kiss him already so they wouldn't have to waste precious time that they barely had any of.

Matt couldn't wait any longer. He tried to go slowly so Near wouldn't be uncomfortable, but he couldn't resist the temptation. His lips crashed on Near's passionately as he pulled his hand that was still holding Near's hand close to him so Near could feel his excited heartbeat.

Matt heard a faint moan from the thirteen-year-old and immediately stopped and pulled back, afraid Near was unhappy. But instead Near pulled Matt closer and tenderly nipped the older boy's lips, begging him to continue.

Matt was happy to fulfill Near's unspoken request. He lightly brushed his tongue against Near's lips, which made the younger boy's mouth fall slack, allowing Matt's tongue to find a path into Near's mouth.

How long this continued, neither boy knew, but they found themselves laying on the bed, wrapped up in each other's arms. Near was just happy to have Matt all to himself before he left and vice versa.

When both boys to a moment to catch their breath, Near decided to ask Matt, "Do you _have_ to leave tonight?"

Matt sighed then smiled. "I suppose I can leave tomorrow night. But you can't leave my side until then."

Near pulled Matt closer and nodded into his chest. "Okay," was all he managed to say.

"Just give me a minute," Matt said as he tried to pry Near's arms off waist. Near gave him a questioning look. "You're already in pajamas. I'm not, and I don't feel like sleeping in jeans."

Near nodded and reluctantly let go of the fourteen-year-old smoker.

Matt slid off the bed gracefully and pulled off his shirt. Before he could get to his jeans, however, he found pair of small arms wrapped around him securely. Matt lifted his arms and looked under them to get a good look at the smaller boy who was staring up at him.

"You said I wasn't allowed to leave your side," he explained in a whisper. Matt chuckled and worked on getting his jeans off. He decided against looking for pajama pants since that would take up time and he wanted to get back to kissing Near as soon as possible.

As soon as he finished his task, he loosened Near's grip on his waist and picked up the boy. Near's legs secured themselves where his arms used to be and Near's arms became wrapped around Matt's neck.

Gently, Matt lowered Near onto the bed and was then pulled down by Near's unwillingness to let go of him.

About an hour later, both boys grew tired and Near fell into a deep slumber. Matt looked lovingly upon the boy and gently stroked Near's nose with his finger.

Kissing Near was better than Matt could ever have imagined. He could feel little sparks of electricity every time the boy touched him. It was like they were made to be with each other. Near even fit in Matt's arms perfectly.

Throughout their night, Near's pajama shirt had become unbuttoned and thrown off the bed, but Matt didn't go any further than that. Although Matt really loved Near, he didn't think he could take away Near's innocence at such a young age. Maybe if they were able to be together again when they were older, but not now. Thirteen and fourteen were much too young for those kinds of activities. Plus, Matt wasn't sure what to do and preferred that things didn't become awkward.

Matt slowly ran a skilled finger down Near's chest. Near was rather small for his age and Matt hoped Near's health wasn't in danger.

Matt fell asleep as he idly made invisible lines across Near's upper body.

* * *

When Near woke up he was sad to have been pulled from the best dream he'd ever had. He kept his eyes closed, hoping he might be able to fall asleep again and continue the dream, but when it became evident this would not happen, he opened his eyes.

When his vision became more focused, his eyes widened. So maybe it wasn't a dream. He smiled to himself, a rare thing for Near to do, as he realized he really was laying in Matt's arms with his own hands resting peacefully on Matt's bare chest.

Matt was breathing heavily yet evenly with his mouth open and each breath brought a warm burst of air onto Near's face. Normally Near hated the smell of cigarettes, but this morning he didn't mind it at all. Besides, Matt's breath didn't smell completely like nicotine. It was combined with a sweet scent that Near couldn't place. _It must be a scent unique to Matt_, he figured as he stared at the older boy.

After a few moments, Near moved his hands around Matt and rested his head on Matt's bare chest, feeling every thud of his heart.

Due to reflexes, Matt pulled Near closer and mumbled in his sleep. Some of Matt's words sounded like gibberish, but Near was able to distinguish four words from the rest: "I love you, Near."

Near smiled and kissed Matt's chest. If only it could last forever.

* * *

"What do cigarettes taste like?" Near wondered aloud as he and Matt were sitting underneath a large tree in Whammy's House's backyard. They had received many strange looks this morning from their constant holding hands and from the fact that Near was actually going outside.

"In all honesty, they don't taste very good," Matt replied as he took one last drag from the cigarette and then held it in his hand, not wanting to start a small fire by putting it out in the grass.

"Really?" Near asked as he reached for the cigarette in Matt's hand. But Matt was too quick with his gamer reflexes and pulled it out of his reach.

"Really. And it's a bad habit and I don't want you to get addicted to it."

"I'm sure I won't get addicted to it if I try it this one time," Near protested.

"That's what I thought," Matt snorted as he got up to throw away the cigarette. Matt smiled to himself as he heard Near's soft footfalls behind him. Near had done a good job of sticking to his side like glue.

"Well can't you quit?" Near asked a few minutes later when they were inside, playing with some of Near's toys.

"Cold turkey? No, I don't think so. Plus, it'll probably help my nerves now that I'm not sure what's going to happen," Matt replied as he placed a green LEGO on top of a black one.

"You're quitting me cold turkey aren't you?" That one was a hard blow to Matt, but he had an answer.

"Hell no! I couldn't even quit you with the most extensive therapy," Matt laughed. "I planned to leave you an E-Mail account that had my new E-Mail address that only you would know about."

Near nodded, accepting this plan. "At least then I'll know that you're safe."

* * *

Near rested his head on the red head's shoulder as they sat near the window, watching the sunset. Matt pulled Near onto his lap and laid the side of his head on Near's forehead.

Matt sighed. If only he had known that Near had felt this way sooner. Then they might have had more sunsets to watch together.

But tonight was the last night and he wasn't about to waste any second of it thinking about what could have been.

Matt sighed again and pulled the little albino boy closer as Near snuggled closer to Matt.

"So… Ten o'clock?" Near asked, already knowing the answer. Matt wanted to take a night bus, figuring that it would be easier for many reasons.

One: he would be able to sleep on the plane.

Two: none of the other children at Whammy's would be up and about to question where he was going.

Three: he didn't want Near to be up too late missing him. Matt knew that Near usually went to sleep around nine-thirty, but could stay up late if he wanted to. He figured that he and Near had been up until around eleven, maybe later, and Near would be tired this evening. He could tell the boy would be tired in a few hours, which was perfect timing, really, since that was all they had left.

"Yes," Matt replied as he kissed the boy's soft, white hair. "But we'll see each other again."

"You can't promise that," Near mumbled, turning his head into the older boy's striped shirt.

"No, I can't," Matt replied with a sigh. It felt like all he could do was sigh and wish things would be better. No. He told himself he wouldn't waste time thinking such horrid thoughts. He could do that later.

"But I can promise to keep in touch. The E-Mail, remember?" Matt added, trying to cheer Near and himself up.

"I suppose. Will it tell me I've got Mail?" Near asked as he turned his head back to stare into Matt's goggles. Slowly Near lifted a pale hand and pushed the goggles up further on Matt's head so he could look into the magnificent green eyes.

Matt smiled at the sound of his real name coming from Near's lips. "If I can get mine to say 'You've got Nate,' then, yes, I'll make it so you know when I send you an E-Mail."

"Well, that shouldn't be too hard, should it?" Near asked. "After all, you are the technical whiz."

Matt smiled as he allowed his lips to lightly brush Near's.

"I love you, Near. Don't forget it," Matt said, his mouth still pressing against Near's.

"I love you, too, Matt," Near replied before he deepened the kiss.

* * *

Near yawned. He could deny it no longer- he was tired. But Near promised himself he'd stay away long enough to see Matt off. Even if he collapsed on the bench on the porch outside where they would wait for the bus, he wouldn't care.

But Matt had other plans.

Matt picked the small boy up and cradled him in his arms, appreciative of how light Near was. He gave Near a slow, passionate kiss, hoping Near wouldn't notice that he was tucking him into bed.

But Near did notice and pulled Matt down with him, making sure their kiss wasn't in danger of being broken. He heard Matt moan. Near was beginning to like that sound.

Near deepened the kiss in an effort to make Matt forget that he had a bus to catch.

Matt almost fell for it, but his watched beeped annoyingly at him. 9:50 pm.

Matt and Near groaned in unison. They were both dreading this moment.

"Ten more minutes," Near sighed.

"I don't think you're going to make it ten more minutes," Matt smiled as he loosened his grip on Near just enough to pull the covers of his bed over him.

Near gave him a confused look. "I'm going out there with you," he protested as he tried to squirm out of Matt's blankets.

"No," Matt replied, trapping Near with his arms as he hopped onto the bed and straddled the younger boy. "You're going to stay here. I don't want anyone but me carrying you, and when you fall asleep outside after I get on the bus, I won't be able to carry you back here."

"But-"

"No. You're staying here," Matt said before Near could protest. Gently he lowered his head to kiss Near and Near's arms automatically shot up behind Matt's neck, his pale hands knotting themselves into the vivid red hair.

Matt sighed as he pulled away from the small boy. Giving him one last quick kiss, Matt released the boy and stood up.

"Don't cry when I leave," Matt plead as he stared into Near's eyes, trying to get the point across that he didn't want Near upset.

"I can't promise that," Near said with a sad smile.

"Do your best. You always do," Matt replied.

Near sighed. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I know people think thirteen and fourteen is way too young to say those things, but it's true," Matt said with a smile.

Near reached his hand up to the red head and pulled him close enough for a soft brush on the lips. Matt smiled as he tenderly stroked Near's cheek and then put on his goggles.

"Good bye, Nate," Matt said as he reached for his suitcase near the door.

"Good bye, Mail," Near replied, resisting the urge to cry. Matt didn't want him to cry.

Matt smiled as Near yawned again. The last thing Near saw before he fell asleep was Matt's smiling face looking tenderly at him.

* * *

Near could hear and see the gunshots on the monitor before him, yet he couldn't believe what had just happened. Shock was clear on his face and horror screamed through his dark eyes.

"Matt," he whispered without looking away. Faintly, just faintly, he could see Matt take one last drag on his cigarette and mouth Near's name.

Near waited a few moments; just to make sure Matt wouldn't pop right back up say "Just joking, Near! I'm fine! Everything's fine and I'm coming back to you in a few days!"

But he didn't. And suddenly the screen changed from the sight of his lover's (or so that's how 'unemotional' Near liked to think of him) dead body filled with bullet holes to a live report at the scene where Takada was taken. He could just barely see Halle standing in the crowd trying to contain the chaos.

Near slumped down to the floor, hurting his knees in the process. But his knees meant nothing now. Matt was dead. Dead. As in not alive. As in never coming back.

"Near?" Lester and Gevanni called at the same time.

"Near? Can you hear me?" Gevanni shouted as he put a hand on Near's shoulder.

"Near, come on. What's the matter?" Lester said, trying to sound calm as Near usually did in attempt to make Near answer. Neither man had much luck.

A single tear flowed from each of Near's eyes all the way down to his chin where they dropped to the floor with a soft slash.

More tears followed, but Near made no sound. Not a single sob.

"I'm sorry, Matt," Near whispered.

"Huh?" Gevanni and Lester gave each other a worried look.

"You told me not to cry. I'm sorry, Matt," Near continued as he wiped his tears.

"Come over here, Near. Sit down," Lester said as he moved to pick up the young adult. Near motioned for him to stop as he remembered Matt's words.

'_I don't want anyone but me carrying you.'_

Shakily, Near stood up with Gevanni and Lester at his sides, ready to catch him if he fell. He found his way to the cushioned chair with wheels and plopped himself down, hands covering his face, trying to catch the tears.

"Near?" Just faintly, Near could hear Halle jog over to where he sat and could feel her put her hand on his shoulder.

"What happened?" Halle asked the two men when it was clear Near wouldn't answer.

"We're not sure," Gevanni admitted.

"They showed a red head being shot on the monitor and he just started crying," Lester added.

"He did say something about a guy named Matt, though," Gevanni said.

"Matt… I heard Mello mention a guy named Matt. This the same kid?" Halle asked Near.

Near could only nod. He didn't trust his voice at the moment.

"Do you want to tell us about him?" Halle asked tenderly.

"No," Near answered abruptly. "Later," he added more softly after a few moments. Halle nodded, her blonde hair swaying lightly from the movement.

"You've got Mail," Near's personal computer announced loudly as all four SPK members turned their heads instinctively.

Near removed his hands from his face and walked over to the computer, curiosity on his face, removing some, but not all, of the grief that was there.

Near clicked a few buttons and the message came up.

'_To my Near,'_ it read. _'I'm sorry about all this. I never left Whammy's intending to die and neither did Mello. Mello and I both knew that the stunt we pulled today would get us both killed, but we figured that it would probably help out your investigation. There's really not much to say since you know it all. I won't ask you not to cry this time. I know that if you died, I would most definitely cry too. Please forgive me. I love you, Nate River, and don't you forget it. Yours forever and always, Mail Jeevas.'_

"Love you, too, Mail," was all Near could say before he lost his voice and started crying again.

Near cried shamelessly for a few minutes as the three remaining SPK members tried to comfort him. They knew the basics of what happened since Near had let them read the E-Mail.

When Near was done crying, or at least when he told himself he was done crying, Near stood up to full height.

"Kira will be stopped," Near said as he picked up the soft, fuzzy teddy bear he had received from Matt, Mello, and L for his ninth birthday and walked to his bedroom.

* * *

**Like? Hate? Review please! It took me a while to write this and I'l like to know what people think!**


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